A few unorthodox proposals.

Nothing has ever been traditional or ordinary about Tia and I’s relationship, so why would my marriage proposal be any different.

Following graduation, Tia moved to Memphis and hated it. After about a year, she’d start making plans to move back to Nashville. I’ll share more about Tia fleeing Memphis back to Nashville during our financial story. But ultimately, we both found ourselves looking for housing at the same time. 

Unorthodox Proposal #1: 

To me there was a simple solution to our housing dilemma and I presented it to Tia in these exact words. “We are going to get married, so let’s just find us a place together.” I don’t remember a time in our 16 year relationship dating or married where Tia looked more confused. I remember her asking me if that was my marriage proposal? I told her it wasn’t my official proposal, but let’s be honest, we know what’s happening here. I’m assuming she agreed because we bought a house TOGETHER, unmarried and not engaged.

Unorthodox Proposal #2: About 6 months into living together, we’d start casually talking about our wedding. This too is covered in the financial story. There were a couple things we knew. We weren’t gonna spend a bag on a wedding and we didn’t want a traditional wedding. We agreed on having a destination wedding in the Caribbean. We didn’t want a winter wedding and traveling to the Caribbean in the Summer was too expensive. Therefore, we decided to wed in the fall. So there we were, two love birds shacking in their new home with their wedding planned and no official proposal. We literally hired a travel agent, sent out invitations and had people paying the deposit on their trips and I hadn’t even purchased a ring. 

Unorthodox Proposal #3: 

There came a point where the pressure was mounting for this proposal to happen. Family and friends had started their whispers with all the worst case scenarios. I wasn’t much bothered by that. The wedding was quickly approaching and I was only slightly bothered by that. This next fact has never been spoken of. It was July 2008 and I had not saved enough money to buy Tia the ring that she wanted. There’s a lot to unpack here so I’ll indulge you. I know what you are thinking. 

Yes, Tia picked out her own engagement ring. She wasn’t going to risk me messing it up. Remember, I’m the dude that purchased the butterfly necklace that was really a dragonfly necklace. See the Butterflies + Dragonflies story.

Yes, I had been saving for the ring, but I didn’t have enough money to buy it 60 days pre-wedding. I picked up a couple extra jobs to speed up the process. I wasn’t a bum by any means. During the day, I worked for a financial technology (FinTech) company, but I would immediately start unloading trucks at Fedex and mentoring troubled kids on the weekends. By late August, almost 30 days from our actual wedding, I had saved enough money to buy Tia her ring. Now it was time for the proposal. 

My proposal had to be a big deal to overshadow everyone’s memory that my proposal came 30 days before the wedding. My plan was to give Tia 7 things that brought her joy.

1. Tia always wanted a driver because she hated to drive.

2. She loved money as a gift. 

3. Her favorite candy at the time was Lifesavers Creamsavers.

4. She loved shopping.

5. Pasta was her favorite indulgence.

6. Her favorite flower at the time was the Birds of Paradise.

7. She wanted me to write her a poem.

I would give her all these things in one very memorable evening. Here’s how it unfolded.

I had just barely saved enough money to buy the engagement ring, so I damn sho didn’t have enough money to hire a driver. Instead, I rented a black Cadillac, purchased a black hat, threw on a pair of black slacks, a white shirt, a black tie and transformed into Tia’s driver for the day, Omar. And I made a scene. 

When Tia got off work that day, “Omar” was standing in front of this black Cadillac outside Tia’s job with a sign that read “Tia Barbour”. She exited her building looking confused (but not as confused as when I told her “we are getting married so we might as well move in together.”) Her first words were, “Courtney what are you doing?” Omar replied, “Yes, Mr. Hale sent me to drive you around for the evening. He has a full agenda for you.” 

Tia would play along. She got in the car and there were a few things waiting for her. There were 3 envelopes: one labeled “shopping money”, one labeled “your money” and one labeled “poem”. There was also a bag of Creamsavers.

Omar then provided Tia with the agenda for the evening. He was to take Tia to the mall to buy a dress for dinner that evening. She was to use the cash in the shopping envelope. Omar informed Tia that her husband would be meeting her at the mall. Tia immediately called an audible. She told Omar that she wasn’t going to the mall looking like “all day” and instructed him to take her home to change clothes. Omar obliged. When Tia got home, she had her favorite flower Bird of Paradise waiting for her although she wasn’t supposed to see them until much later that night. 

After Tia got dressed, Omar took Tia to the mall. She got out of the car, but then turned back in looking at Omar with a slight grin. She asked Omar when was her husband meeting her. Omar replied, “in about 5 minutes.”

I (Omar) parked and changed clothes in the car transforming into Courtney. I’d walk in the mall as if everything was perfectly normal and ask how your day was going? Her face was radiating with joy and amusement. We’d shop, buy her a dress and I’d leave early because I had a “meeting”. Tia understood and let me run. 

I (Courtney) ran to the car, changed back into Omar, picked Tia up at the door and took her home. We’d go on to have an amazing Italian dinner and an amazing night overall. And when we got home...we went to sleep. 

Early the next morning while Tia was still asleep, I’d put the ring in the kitchen next to the flowers for her to see as soon as she awoke. Unsurprisingly, she slept in the next morning. I understood, but I was ready to get this thang crackin. I was in a hurry, we were getting married in 30 days 😂 Ultimately, I’d have to coerce her to go into the kitchen. She did, found the ring and brought it back into our bedroom with me waiting for her on one knee in my by boxer briefs. 

“Will you marry me?”

There’s time and then there’s your time.